LOGIES TO GOGIS

I caught the Frankston train back to town, (thank you Rob), and got red carpeted at supersonic speed. I had no time to do anything to may hair, but was otherwise together when the cab pulled up. A Croatian guy asked me numerous times how to get to Tony's address and each time I said that I was very rusty as I'd lived away for so long and showed him on the map where we were going. What's happened to the taxi services in this country. I've had so many run ins with taxis not showing up and then when they do (usually late or having to chase them down the street as they refuse to get out of their cars and ever ring a bell) they rarely have any idea how to get around.

Anyway, my very friendly Croatian decides to tell me every detail about the divorce with his wife. Turns out he was a cinematographer back home but couldn't find that work here. He told me all about his travels and many ex-girlfriends, then realised that he'd gone way past the turn off and without any apology, he then made his way back and I went from being early to late. Great!

Tony's car was waiting and I got to give Helen a big hug before we left. It's a tough time for them, but they're so strong. I recounted my weekend's antics as we approached Crown Casino. It was a chilly but clear evening and the crowds were out in force. It took us a while to get through the melee of photographers, cameras and crowds. Tony handled it all so professionally and I posed along side him, wishing I'd ditched my coat, but knowing I'd be happy for it later.

The funniest thing was when we got to the foot of the stairs, Jono Coleman and his radio partner were waiting to interview Tony. He introduced me too and we had such a funny chat. They got the impression that I'd just come back from working for the BBC, so Jono said "I'm sure we worked together in the UK, do you remember?". "It was the highlight of my career thus far", I replied. How funny! They were interviewing Cathy Freeman before us, so we got to have a quick chat with Australia's Olympic gold medallist who's about to get married.

There were amazing frocks everywhere and the stairs we had to climb were very daunting. Luckily at the top was lots of delicious champers and some interesting people. I ended up in a corner with Kerry O'Brien and some other old journos talking about Collingwood and the good ol' days. They all remembered my Dad. It was a lovely feeling. Tony darted around the room and I met all sorts of presenters and newscasters and actors.

Inside, we were sitting on the Golden Logie table. That's the big award that Tony won in the 80s. We had the most brilliant table. Denise Drysdale was an absolute hoot. Rowena Wallace was ascerbic and full of grace. Mike Willisee came in late with a glamorous brunette and stayed for a short while. But Johnny Young. Sigh! He stole my heart.

Let me pause to say that I had a wonderful night, but unfortunately the idiotic woman (Big Brother host!!!) they chose did such a bad job. Plus the sound was hideous and the screens that were put around the room were so pixellated we couldn't see a damn thing, and the steadi-cam operator on stage kept standing in front of the one good screen. It was a mess. So we all ended up drinking and chatting amongst ourselves. It didn't feel like the awards were inclusive of the audience in the room. They were simply aimed at the television audience.

So, after seeing Rebecca Gibney pick up her awards and looking incredibly stunning, I gathered my courage and went to sit next to Johnny. He remembered my Dad well and when I told him what a huge fan I'd been of Young Talent Time he smiled a knowing smile. "Could you bear to sing All My Lovin'?", I asked breathlessly. He smiled and launched straight into it. I sang along with him and to be honest, I can now die happy.

During the awards I had some fun chats to various people, in particular the gorgeous Ruby Rose. She told me that her necklace was vintage Tiffany's from the 70s and it looked incredible with her glamorous navy gown and her punk rock hair and tatts. What a chick!

The after party is a complete blur of dancing and lychee martinis. I have visions of Tony and I taking turns to get more and more drinks. We were laughing and dancing and had a ball. Suddenly it was time to go home and I'd only had the chance to wave at various friends and acquaintances. I wish I could do it over again, but hey ho.

I feel like I've only just recovered. Luckily I could throw myself into my research for the screenplay and escape to the State Library (WOW) where I disappeared in a pile of books. I am now so excited to have started the script. My first in so long. It feels great to be writing again. I can't give away anything about it (as Hamish would kill me) except to say that it's an Australian story set in the nineteenth century. Clearly an easy one to tackle after so long. Eeeek!

I finished the week with a mother daughter lunch at the Alexandra Club. It was such a funny experience, but filled with some lovely people. Most who hadn't seen me since I was tiny wee. I sat next to a woman who told me stories about her husband that made my blood run cold. Note to self - never, every marry a selfish prick who gambles all day and plays Playstation all night while you look after the kids.

Seated next to her was the wife of Charles Searby who is Ian Darling's screenwriting partner. Oh, I forgot that Ian's wonderful doc OASIS was up for a Logie but sadly didn't win. I went over to commiserate and then brought him back to our table. I also ran into Alison Wyatt and Caroline Craig at various stages of the night.

So I'm not really supposed to talk about GOGI. It's a bit like fight club. But I just have to say that I'm so glad I stuck around in Melbs for our inaugural event. I met so many brilliant people and am so excited about our next meet. I need to do more to take me outside of my comfort zone in Melbs. There are so many interesting adventures just waiting, and people to meet.

Forgot to mention an art opening for Sarah Rennolds (sorry Sarah can't remember your maiden name) who has married Steve. The Nellie Castan Gallery on River St hosted a preview last week and it was such fun to see her work. She's very talented and I'm excited to see where she goes next. It was seriously trippy running into SO many faces, many I hadn't seen since teenage years, in the one small, sweaty room. My gorgeous mate Stelllar showed up and we ended up having a fantabulous evening after.

Congrats to Steve and Sarah and the various other pregnant couples I know (some I can't mention by name). And to my cousin Charlie and his fiancee Katie - such divine news. Oh yeah, and to all those who've just had a little one (Dave and Penny, Ridders and his lady....) many congrats everybody. My what a productive time it is. I'm just trying to give birth to a script. Say a little prayer to the writing god for me. Bless you Kirst, for giving me somewhere to escape to and just write, write, write.

I'll be back when I've come up for air.
Lxxxxx

MY OH MY IT'S MAY!

Since my return from Sydney the time has been rushing by. First I must reflect on ANZAC day, which was very special. I haven't been in Oz for ANZAC day for a long time and for those who don't know, it's a day to honour the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. It originated as the term to represent those fighting the Turks in the Battle of Gallipoli in WWI. It has now grown to encompass other battles and wars and those of our troops still fighting for our country.

My father and I met at 4.45am to walk to the ANZAC shrine where the dawn service was to take place. There was the most incredible mixture of young and old. A friend of Dad's, Tony Charlton, has been hosting the event for over 30 years. His voice resounded over loud speakers, recounting snippets of soldier's stories, poetry and history. Tony's voice is clear and full of emotion, but so respectful and moving. It was an incredible experience standing amongst 40,000 people. The silences were heavy but the service was uplifting.

There was a shared companionship and respect that is hard to describe. Everyone there was deeply affected by the words, prayers and music (one pity is that the Welsh Choir sounded like they were strangling each other under water). I appreciated the time to reflect on both my grandfathers' great courage. My Australian grandfather was killed in the Fall of Singapore when Dad was only 2 years old. My English grandfather served in both World Wars only to die of a heart attack in his early 70s. I wish I had known these incredible men. It is so important to remember them and all of those who have fallen. Lest we forget.

I read in the paper the next day that a young boy, about 6 years old and at his first dawn service, went up to one of the old boys covered in medals and said, "Thank you for saving the world." The man replied, "You're welcome son. You just made my day." I am enjoying feeling immensely proud of my country. However, I can't say I am immensely proud of my father's football team - Collingwood aka The Magpies.


All the Macs covered themselves in black and white and went to the ANZAC day match against Essendon. I think the last time all four of us were at the footy together, might have been at the 1990 Grand Final when we beat the Bombers/Essendon. We had a nice lunch in the Harrison Room and Jack Pimm (a war veteran who played for the Magpies) was on our table as well as some other fun people. The crowd was so excitable and we had a monster match ahead. It was an amazing contest and I take full responsibility. In the last 5 minutes when we were a few goals ahead, I let myself relax and believe that we had it in the bag. The Bombers snatched the ball and escaped the jaws of defeat in the last 30 seconds. It was a very sad ending to a fantastic match. Both Dad and I had almost no voice by the end of it all.

I was absolutely shattered by the evening (post Sydney/dawn service/footy) but had to push on through for Hamish's birthday bash. We had such a fun night. All sorts of people showed up and the bar got absolutely packed. By midnight I was completely done in. Hame still doesn't believe me. I really did come home and crash. Promise!

For Hame's real birth date we had an incredible dinner at the Stoke House. It has the most delicious fish dishes and sits right on the ocean. Unfortunately it was bucketing down with the most intense rain, but it was fun being rugged up inside watching it pelt towards us.

I also had the pleasure of seeing an old school mate, Caroline Craig, walk the boards at The Arts Centre. Her play, The Bridesmaids, takes a long hard look at fidelity when two friends are forced to tell their friend, the blushing bride, that her man has been cheating on her - the night before her wedding. It stirred up some ferocious debate in the bar afterwards and I adored meeting Jacqui Weaver who plays the bride's mother. She is on her 5th husband (who joined us and is also an actor, Sean of the velvet voice) and had some pearls of wisdom to impart.

I saw an incredibly beautiful film with Mum called ELEGY, starring Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley. Gosh it's fun going on missions together again. We had the wind knocked out of us by the performances. It was an amazing experience and without ruining it for anyone who might read this and see it, be warned that it's very sad but so beautiful - it brought back many memories. I was gasping for air by the end.

There were only 6 people in the cinema as we went to a naughty afternoon session. When two of the women walked out, we recognised each other. One of the ladies was Kerry Gillespie, the mother of an old friend of mine called Alexis. Her father, Kerry's late husband, Wayne was one of Australia's most talented architects. It was harrowing to hear what she went through when he fell ill while on a trip in the Middle East. She had to spend 6 weeks looking after him in the most rudimentary hospital all by herself. He was too sick to move, but made a recovery and came back to Oz. Then cancer overtook his body. She is such an inspiration, as she now works in food kitchens and helps street kids.

I then had a wonderful visit to my parents' place in Flinders. I couldn't help watching the Collingwood match with Dad and this time we didn't get the Collywobbles. We beat North Melbourne convincingly and Leon Davis is my new hero. He is so small and cheeky and talented. He took a wonderful flying mark that was the highlight.

The weather at the weekend was flawless. The clearest, most divine Autumn days. Hame had organised with his great friend Jane Liscombe (Producer extraordinaire) to meet up at her parents' place in Mt Martha. We went on an incredible walk along the cliff to Mornington where we ate like kings and then explored the town. We ended up taking booze and chips and lollies (no dinner needed!!!) back to the house and dancing around singing at the top of our lungs. Livin' On A Prayer was the highlight.

Now I wish I had time to recount the Logies but I need to get on with my research into the screenplay that Hame and I are writing together. Next week I'm disappearing to Portsea to stay with an old friend and to write every day. Then Hame will come back from his American trip and rip it to pieces. Fingers crossed we end up with the start of something big. I have a great feeling about this story. I can't tell anyone about it yet, but watch this space.

Logies (the big TV awards) aftermath coming up shortly. I haven't quite recovered yet....
Lxxx

DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH

The rest of my time in Sydney raced by far too quickly. I met up with many old, friendly faces. Some new mates appeared as if my magic, like Emma who was visiting from Mumbai. She and Cam were robbed in Geneva and she lost her passports and visas. She had to come back to Oz to get a new Indian visa, so we had a mini Mumbai reunion with her gorgeous mate Reesh.

Funny how fidelity is a theme that keeps popping up of late. Ems and I had a long chat about it and I just saw a play that explored its importance. More on that later though.

The uber talented Ian Darling kindly agreed to make some space for us to meet, despite the fact that he's deep in pre production on a 20 minute fiction short (he usually makes docs) that he has written, is directing and producing. He was inspired by the intricately twisted stories of the people he met when making his most recent documentary for the ABC called THE OASIS. It's an incredible film about street kids and a wonderful man called Paul (and his devoted wife) who runs a drop in centre in the middle of Sydney with the Salvos. It's extraordinary.

Ian is very humble about his achievements, but Rachael has roped him into doing a Friday On My Mind, which I'm sure will be great. He starts shooting his film very soon and I wish him and his crew the very best. Thanks for the lift Ian. He dropped me off after our meet at The Pier. My golly gosh what a fantabulous restaurant. I was treated to the most delicious meal in beautiful Rose Bay. Talk about spoilt rotten!!

The next morning I woke up Phillip Adams, who is such an old friend of my father's. They used to be the closest of colleagues and friends, and though they hardly see each other anymore, the bond is SO strong. We had agreed a time that surprised me (9.30am) as he does a late night radio show, but after ringing and ringing the bell he answered and looked utterly shattered. I told him all about my Legacy idea and the various things I'm working on and he couldn't have been more supportive. It's so encouraging to get such positive feedback, across the board, but from someone who has spent his life interviewing people and delving into real life stories, it was fascinating to get his take on how the idea might develop.

I left Phillip's incredible pad (he's into Egyptology so the house is filled with astounding figures and spears and knick knacks) with such a spring in my step, and wound my way through Paddington and into a beautiful park and somehow ended up in Rushcutters Bay. I'm always amazed when I make it where I'm supposed to be going. I have such a hideous sense of direction, so must have a map with me at all times. My worst habit it getting out of stations and talking on the phone and just walking a million miles an hour whilst chatting and not knowing where the hell I'm going. I suddenly realise that I'm utterly lost and hang up in a panic. Not an ideal habit!

Anyway, lunch was with the heavenly Murray Bell who runs Semi Permanent - a design conference that is finally coming to Melbourne later this year. He and I met through my great mate Jeremy Boxer in London and it's been fun keeping tabs on how Murray and Semi P have developed. We had a munch in the sunshine with his divine dog Bo snuffling around us.

That night I had the best fun hooning around town saying goodbye to everyone. I ended up at a random party somewhere called The Club where I danced around with a bunch of the best girls. Thank you Christine, Alice and Clare for going the distance. Not to mention everyone else who made it a wonderful send off for me. You're all gorgeous and Jo, you're so right that Icebergs is divine. I also had a ball at Darlo Bar. It brought back so many memories of when I was last in Sydney.

Sigh! Wish I had the energy to fill you in on marvellous Melbourne and what's been going on since my return but I leave that for next time. You'll have to wait to hear about the breathtaking ANZAC dawn service, the hideous Collywobbles, Hame's birthday bash, Caroline's play and more....the Logies are this Sunday. You should see the shoes I bought today for the occasion.

Lxxxx

ROCKING SYDNEY & THE ASTRAS

Sydney is such a blast. I absolutely adore this stunning city!

I've been welcomed back with open arms by so many old friends and colleagues. After some initial sunshine there has been quite a bit of crazy, tropical rain but nothing can dampen my spirits right now.

Tony Barber took me to the ASTRA awards on the Fox lot. Unfortunately his divine wife Helen has been unwell, so I got to be his date!! He is not only one of the nicest men on the planet, but he's an incredible host. He knew so many interesting people and was in attendance representing TV1, who he does a lot of work for. They had a tranche of nominations, mainly for their program STUPID, STUPID MEN.

TV1 walked off with quite a few awards, so our tables got very happy. Why there have to be quite so many awards at these things I'll never know and they're always baking hot, but lots of fun. Peter Hudson (CEO of TV1) was our host and what a lovely man he is. I was lucky to be amidst a great crew and we had pole position of the main stage. One problem was that during the award presentations or performances, the waiters weren't allowed to serve booze. So we had to keep racing behind the curtain to get more wine, I crossed paths with many fun people behind the velvet curtains.

I loved the cast of MEN, particularly Leah Vandenberg who looked gorgeous in her traditional Indian dress. Of course we immediately connected about India (she's of Sri Lankan descent) and swapped many stories. Matthew Newton was racing about looking dashing and of course Tone's known him via his father Bert since he was a wee tot. Wayne Hope and I chatted over the course of the eve, I was curious that after he won the award for Best Perf by a Male Actor (beating Matt) he then got up and gave a scathing attack on Pay TV. It was funny at times, but a bit surprising given that the room was full of the top execs with fat (tish) pay cheques.

When we walked the red carpet, we chatted to the divine Miss M - that's Madga Szubanski - who looked glorious in a tight black dress, Marilyn Monroe hair and red lips. Her tap dancing routine on stage was the highlight of the night. She was presenting with Wayne during his diatribe and looked a touch surprised, but handled it well. I guess those nights need a bit of a shake up, but I doubt it will make it into the telecast later this week.

The opening number was a raucous routine by a gang of Stomp dancers. They were incredible - so energetic and fun, banging on garbage cans New York style. At the after party, I had a lovely chat to Alison Whyte (heavenly redhead) who won the Best Perf by a Female Actor for her role in the saucy SATISFACTION, caught up with Peter O'Brien after many many years (we met via the gorgeous Lisa Hensley years ago at Notting Hill Carnival) and then made a bee line for the Stomp dancers, who were carving up the dance floor. Sorry Troy, loved your breakdancing moves but I had to hit the hay!

I must mention my wonderful friend Rachael Turk who left her post as Editor of Inside Film (one of the top Aussie film mags) to pursue her own projects at the end of last year. She's hosting these brilliant nights at the AFTRS (Australia's best film school) called Friday On My Mind. I went to the last one to support her and thought it was excellent. They've got a session on SAMPSON & DELILAH coming up, which is an incredible film. It is a modern, fucked up Romeo & Juliet story, that's set in an Aboriginal township outside Alice Springs. I must say, it made me proud to come back to an industry that funds films such as this. It got major buzz at the Adelaide Film Festival, where MY YEAR WITHOUT SEX (the wonderful director Sarah Watt's new film, which Andy B has also invested in) opened the festival.

I'm also fascinated to see that there is a doc that's in post at the moment called INTO THE SHADOWS. It's about the Aussie industry and what's wrong with it. They interviewed Rachael for the film, along with BALIBO's Rob Connelly, Bruce Beresford and many more luminaries from the industry. They're exploring why audiences just don't respond (particularly in Oz) to Aussie films. There is rarely more than one break out (internationally) film a year and there should be more. It's strange, because audiences really remember the good films that have catapulted into our consciousness (KENNY & WOLF CREEK are probably the most successful of late but LANTANA, THE CASTLE, MURIEL'S WEDDING, PRISCILLA & STRICTLY BALLROOM are some of the best films made anywhere, anytime) and think the industry must be robust.

There are some good moves being made, for example I read that this year there are over 40 features coming out in Oz (almost one a week) and that's double the last few years, directly due to tax breaks. There are obviously many, many more being produced but those are films with distribution deals and that are on exhibitors' slates. I can't wait to see how people respond to Wayne Thornton's SAMPSON & DELILAH as it's a tough watch and sell, but it's pure poetry. I saw a preview screening with Andy, Matt Hearn (Producer of ROGUE, WOLF CREEK) and Julius Avery (whose short JERRYCAN has won so many accolades, particularly the Special Jury Prize in Cannes last year where I met him) and we were all blown away.

So if you get the chance to go to Rachael's Friday on My Mind or can seek out S&D, I say go and support our industry. I must get on the road as I've got lots of people to see before I leave on Friday.

Ahhh, the sun has just come out.
Divine.

SHOOTING STARS IN RURAL OZ

What a way to fall back in love with one’s country. Just hit the road and immerse yourself in the landscape. And the people.

For my first project, I’ve been lucky enough to be invited into the fold of a close knit family who after a bit of cajoling, opened up to the camera like a bunch of pros. My first Aussie client for Legacy is a fascinatingly diverse Catholic family who are spread around Victoria and over the boarder into NSW.

The matriarch of the family had 14 children of which 12 survived and she now has 31 grandchildren. I’m making the film with her eldest grandchild, who is a very old friend of mine, Andrew Barlow.

His father John is the eldest sibling and luckily he was there over Easter to vouch for me. Which made a huge difference. Having known him for about 20 years, I guess mutual respect was evident and that allowed for his gorgeous Mum and fascinating siblings to trust me. Though they took a bit of convincing, some more than others, we managed to get a huge amount of footage and interviews done.

It was such a different experience for me, as usually I interview filmmakers about their projects and though we may talk about challenging things, it’s overall pretty positive. I have never had to deal with uncomfortable emotions. And the tears flowed, freely at times and tough memories were aired. It was a humbling and fascinating experience. I had to really stop myself from trying to console people and letting that raw emotion flow for the camera.

I’ve seen it on film sets. I’ve cried watching actors’ emotions come flooding out during a scene. I’ll never forget shooting Penelope Cruz and Rhys Ifans in the Isle of Man (very glamorous!!!). They knocked the whole crew’s socks off. Watching real professionals like that batting words at each other, it’s like witnessing top violinists playing a duet. It’s poetry in motion, cheesy but true.

I think because we were planning this as a test shoot and we weren’t sure how the Barlow clan would react, Andy’s and my expectations were pretty low. We planned to get lots of B Roll and background filler, perhaps one or two interviews, particularly with his Nana. But in the end, they were almost lining up to talk. It was truly an incredible experience. As it was Easter weekend, with its religious significance and because it’s a time when family come together, we just hit a sweet spot or something. But everyone opened up to the camera and blew us away with their honesty.

What a beautiful camera we hired for the shoot. Thanks to the guys at Video Australasia and to Hamish, Campbell Knott and Jeremy Boxer for all their advice. The Sony EX1 records High Def footage straight onto PC cards or a hard drive. This allows you to download the footage direct to your computer. If you have a MacBook Pro, the card slots right into the express slot and away you go at around 8 x real time.

Though of course it wasn’t that simple. We had a variety of technical hitches but luckily Andy has a techno brain, so he did battle and mostly won.

The footage looks beautiful. I can’t wait to go over it all and plan our next shoot. It’s dependent on various schedules but hopefully we might even get in some more shoot days before Cannes in May. It’s gutting that BALIBO didn’t get into the final selection. They’d got such a great reaction from one of the programmers, but there are some strong Aussie films this year.
I know that Rob Connelly, BALIBO’s talented Director, is still fine tuning the film. I can’t wait to see it. Though I haven’t been involved at all, Andy is an Exec Producer and feels very connected to the people and the project after spending time on set and getting his film hands dirty. It sounds like the East Timor section of the shoot was incredible and changed the lives of many people involved.

Check out this link to see Rob talking about it and a few sneak peaks.

Working on a film set is an experience that’s hard to describe to people who have never been near one. If you ever do visit, it seems like nothing is happening and then there are short bursts of intense activity when you ‘turn over’. But if you’re working on one, you know that every minute of every day the crew is trying to align all the moveable parts, all the myriad elements such as light, wardrobe, actors, design, props, make up etc. etc. etc. With crews that can surpass 100 people, it takes time to get each section in place and move forward as a team.

But on a good set, it fast becomes like a family. You form such intense friendships and it’s like you’re in a world all of your own. A bubble. That noone can touch or understand. It’s a crazy life, as sometimes it can be hard to get back to your ‘real life’ after each film. I’m not sure how healthy it all is, but if the elements are right (and filmmaking is true alchemy) it can be an incredibly enriching experience. Or it can be a nightmare!

Anyway, I’m up in Sydney at the moment and have lots to write about that but must save it for the next instalment. I’m heading to the ASTRA Awards with the wonderful Tony Barber. Pity I can’t wear my killer heels, but I’ve got a great frock and am getting myself all glammed up. The dress code is ‘sophisticated’ so I’m interested to see what the Sydney world of television comes up with. Will be a bit different from the BIFAs and the BAFTAs I’m sure. More soon.

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

Sorry for my silence.

It's been a month since I left the sunny shores of India for the distant shores of another. Australia. Home? I still call it that.

It's 3am and yet again I'm wide awake at an ungodly hour. It's not jet lag. It's just mayhem inside my head right now. I'm like a battery that has been fully charged and keeps turning itself on ready to go, go, go.

Since my return, so much has happened. I am amazed that my old friends can even remember me, I've been away so long, but some loyal friends (too many to mention but it's just heaven getting to know everyone again as adults and to meet their children and husbands - my heavenly godchild Mila must get a special mention) and my divine family have helped me to feel welcome and missed. It's a wonderful thing, being loved. And those friendships that go back 20 and even some 30 years, are golden. Truly.

There have been a lot of dramas. My gorgeous brother broke up with his lady on my first night back. My lovely cousin has had neurosurgery and can't walk further than 10 steps yet, which makes it hard for her 1 year old daughter not to mention her husband, mother..... A great friend from London has found out that her mother is terminally ill and is battling to get back to her side. That is every Aussie's nightmare who lives half a world away. My tenants have had similar news and have had to return to New Zealand. One of my father's school friends keeled over at 70 on the golf course and died of a stroke.......I could go on and on. It's real life. Adult life.

What I realise now, more than ever, is how important family is. And in that department, anyone who knows me, my little bro and my parents (not to mention my uncles, aunts and cousins) would agree that I am more than blessed.

I have only been back to Oz 3 times in the last decade. I have been living away from the nucleus of my family (though they have visited me as often as they could) for 12 years. 12 years! How did that happen? It is undeniable that time marches on with a vengeance.

I arrived in Mumbai under a cloud of terrorist fire and smoke. To Victoria, I arrived amidst a deluge of bush fires and a state emergency of a different kind. This country is vast and vicious when it wants to be. Life here is not as simple as one might think. This island is tough and rough and heaven all at once.

While floods devastated Queensland, bushfires raged in Victoria. How nuts is that? As most people would know by now, there were 5 or so days where the temperature soared over 40 degrees celsius (way over 100 degrees fahrenheit) and even reached 45 on the last day. The winds picked up something awful and unthinkable though it is, people dropped cigarette butts, arsonists did the sickest thing you can imagine and nature did even worse. The combination was explosive. Whole towns were completely razed. The radiant heat could kill you long before the fire reached your house. Whole families were burnt to cinders. The fire was unpredictable and unstoppable. It just jumped the Hume Highway like it was a dirt track. That's like jumping the M3. Seriously.

So, I returned to a country where the oldest form of terror was reigning. Pure survival. I witnessed it bring out the very best in everyone. I was so proud to be home. So proud of my Aussie roots, despite my somewhat Pommi-fied accent. Thankfully, my kin were safe but like when the Twin Towers went down, everyone knows someone effected. The stories that have emerged are often hideous and often inspiring.

Last time I tried to live in Oz, it was 9 years ago. I felt suffocated in Melbourne and went up to Sydney to give it a try. Now don't get me wrong, I love Sydney. I'm not one of those Melbournians who turns up their noses at that brash, beautiful city. But I was disgusted when the Cronulla riots broke out between the Aussie surfer dudes and the Lebanese boys. It was the worst side of Australia. Racism is the ugliest of sins. Unfortunately pig ignorance is not confined to the rednecks of America. I got on the plane back to London with a huge sigh of relief.

This time I'm doing my utmost to not offend my loved ones again. Or my country. And Aussies are extremely proud of their country. Don't you just love being here? Too bloody right you should be. Isn't it just the best? What you been doing over in Pommie land so long? What's with your accent? Who the hell do you think you are?

'Faaark you babe.'

That's the exact text I woke up to, shortly after my return. It made me laugh so hard. My family's Aussie rules team (the Mighty Maggies a.k.a. Collingwood) had beaten one of our old rivals (Essendon). Then we were creamed, seriously beaten to a pulp in the pre-season final. When one of my mates texted me that the Pies were shit. I retorted, what does that make the Bombers if we beat you last week? The above was his response.

Ahhhh Aussie rules footie. What fun it is to watch again, though I'm a bit rusty on all the rules and tactics, it is a joy. Even when being beaten by Geelong. I dragged a London visitor straight off the aeroplane to the new Etihad Stadium and into the throng of mega thousands of Aussies (mostly male, many bogans, mostly divine!). Although she'd never seen a match before, she had a ball. Ha!

It's great having Johanna here, as there are still so many parts of Melbs that I haven't revisited. She adored the coast, where my parents are based. Having her here, almost feels like I'm still on holiday. Though our days are packed and I've got a lot of responsibilities to fulfil, she is such a good friend that it's working out well. Johanna is someone I met through the film industry in London and I'm honoured that our friendship has become so much more.

The film industry here is scared, but forging on (like most industries right now I guess). The recession has really hit, as the bushfires have finally gone out and the rains have come. Everyone is now back to reality. And the reality is harsh. Half of Toorak, our poshest suburb - Chelsea equivalent - is owned by the banks. I know many people out of work and terrified about their future.

There has been SO much money in Melbourne, (everywhere I turn there's a Rolls Royce it seems), there are a lot of young people who just thought that life was always a bed of roses. They don't have survival skills. It's really scary. But also challenging and fascinating and terrifying.

I am resolute to move forward with my new company Legacy and it's taking shape. I want to help families record their history - on film, on tape or on line. It's getting such a positive response and I have my first client. He is a very old friend who is making his way into films and we're in talks about some other projects too. Plus I have other irons in other fires and it seems that I'm committing myself to stay. Shhhh.

Everyone's first question is always - How long are you here for? And my response has been, I'm just seeing how it fits, no promises for now. I don't want to disappoint or offend anyone again and I need to be where the work is. My round the world ticket takes me to LA - NYC - London but it's valid until November.

Thank god my beloved brother has taken me under his wing and given me his spare room. I feel like the little sister! Thank god my parents are the kindest people on earth - so supportive and generous. I feel incredibly lucky to have some time to work things out. So many people don't have that breathing space. I worked like crazy up until the last minute I departed London.

Having proper time out in India was true bliss. I haven't felt that sort of freedom in forever. I let go of technology, guilt, baggage, worry, night terrors, fear and so much more. It's indescribable the difference I feel within myself. Life is too short to carry all that shit around.

Back here, I'm doing my utmost to channel the freedom and resolve that I used to recharge my weary soul. I want my life to be worthwhile. Australia is an incredible country. It's not perfect. But neither am I.

Lx

THIS IS MY LAST GOODBYE

It's taken me a while to catch my breath. Sorry for the silence but I needed to let my last week in India wash over me. It is intoxicating and irresistible to me, though I know some might disagree I truly feel that this is the most inspiring and rewarding country on earth.

I arrived back in Bombay feeling slightly smug that I'd made it around India without catching what most travellers succumb to. You've heard the horror stories I'm sure. I had a gorgeous welcome back girlie eve with Emma, (Cam is still working like a dog, but has made leaps and bounds with his missions here and is rightfully proud, as am I), and laid down on my bed aching for sleep. A few short hours later I was awoken by a volcano in my belly and spent the whole night trying not to pass out on the floor of the bathroom. You get my drift.

When I wobbled out of my room at 7am, white as a sheet, Cam laughed and said, "Your trip wouldn't have been complete without getting properly sick!" True perhaps, but not ideal with Tomer making his way to Bombay to meet me that afternoon and a nice hotel all booked. Hmmmm.

Hallelujah for the Ayurvedic medicine that a kind friend recommended. For anyone who travels in India, leave your western medicine behind and go straight to an Ayurvedic doctor. I had recovered (mostly) by the time Tomer and I met up. And we've just had a gorgeous end to both our trips to India. I'm writing this from an internet cafe in Churchgate and I have about 6 hours left of my time in India.

Varanasi (Benares) has had a HUGE affect on me. Perhaps it's because I saved it for the last stretch of my trip, or because by the time I arrived I'd heard so many amazing stories and had already given myself over to the rhythmn of India. But nothing can prepare you for this ancient, mystical, dark city.

So many times during my time there (too short) me, and the travellers I met, tried to put into words how we were feeling about Varanasi. Without fail, the conversation would trail off into a sort of stunned, shared silence. The best way I can describe it (physically) is like Jerusalem crossed with Venice. It truly feels like time stands still there, like it has for centuries. It is known as Kashi, the city of light, with good reason.

It is a brutal place. Death does a constant dance right in front of you. In your face. There are bodies burning, right on the banks of the river. But the beauty and the sacred depth of the place do outweigh the filth, the decay and the seething underbelly. The people I met there were incredible. The emotions I felt there were deep. It cut through me and then sewed me back up again.

Despite moving abodes twice when I last wrote to you, I decided to move one more time back to the previously full guest house that had been recommended to me by Nichole. When I returned to check it out, Ashish insisted I move in. He gave me a room for 180 rupees (two pounds fifty) that overlooked the Ganga. Though small and extremely basic, it was a true haven.

Bizarrely, when I went to visit him for tea, Tomer called and said I must go and stay at Kedar Ghat. When I told him that I was sitting at Shiva International Lodge in Kedar, he replied that his guest house was the one directly on top of it. That clinched it. I returned to Vishnu, packed by bag for the gazillioneth time and made my way along the Ganga dodging touts and the detritus that will catch you unawares, if you don't look down.

At Shiva, I met a gaggle of Frenchies, Israelis, Brits, Brazillians, Russians and a Greek guy. Most speak at least 3 languages and play at least 3 instruments. Humbling to say the least. We had some heavenly music sessions. Just outside the guest house door was the best bead maker in Varanasi, Bandu, and a chai stand run by Ravi.

I had a glorious few days exploring the town, in particular the day that I met my new friend, a talented fashion designer called Nichola who is from Canada and lives in Italia. He introduced me to his wonderfully bright and mischievous guide Kishore and we spent an incredible day exploring the back streets of Varanasi. I just don't have the energy to describe the whole day right now, but the highlight has to be the wrestlers we went to visit, who were visibly shocked to have a woman in their compound. I hope you like the photo of me and the guys (to come)!!!

I made one daytrip to the incredible sacred Bhuddhist site of Saranath. This is where Bhuddha gave his very first lecture and is a special place. A real haven where you can breathe, only 20 kms away from the staggering mayhem and onslaught that is Varanasi. My companions were Sarah from England and Glem from Brazil, mates from the guest house. Can you believe that in the rick on the way there, Sarah asked me about my work and then realised that she'd seen me give a talk in Hackney about Filmaka? Too bizarre!

There was a Saraswati (god of education) festival on the weekend I arrived. Big gangs of young guys, (women are not so present in this city, it's deity is Shiva and it is truly a masculine place), were throwing red powder at each other and dancing in the streets to screeching music. They carried statues made of straw and clay and painted up like dolls down to the Ganga where they chanted, jumped in boats and then dropped them into the river. It was extraordinary.

This city has to be the noisiest place on earth. I'm so glad that I didn't realise that the piercing howls I heard every night were gangs of male dogs raping the females, until after I left. Though the sounds still haunt me. The air is heavy, but the Ganga countermands this. Although it's polluted (seriously you don't want to know) after a few days, you can see how seriously the people worship it and their rituals quickly becomes normal. I even stood in it when I did my first pooja (sacred offering) and let a holy man drip water on my hands. When in Rome!

One of the strangest experiences I had, was witnessing a British guy make a bonfire and ceremoniously burn his little toe. Seriously. It had gone gangreneous the previous year and he'd kept it mummifying in a matchbox, brought it with him to Varanasi and then just next to where we were all sitting and making music, he gathered with a bunch of friends and burnt it ("It's fizzing!!". Before you get squeamish, imagine watching whole bodies being cremated in front of you. That happens every day on the banks of the Ganga. And sadly I hear, the horrendous fires in Australia have brought many innocent people and their homes to a premature cremation. I say a little prayer.

On my last night in Varanasi, the mist rolled in as we sat by the fire drinking tea, smoking and jamming. I was sat between two of the most exquisite guitar players (Nicholas and Oli) while Sagi jumped between the flute, the tabla and the guitar. I even sang a bit, joining the others. At one stage, we realised that the mist had come in so close that it simply melded into the Ganga, so it looked like we were sitting by an abyss. I had to keep pinching myself that it was real.

It was magical. I met a couple who were leaving to get married in Nepal (aforementioned Oli and his British bride Fiona) with 20 guests, was serenaded by a Tibetan devotee and made endless pots of tea with Sagi. We were sitting outside his room, which is where I watched every sunrise. In fact, I watched 5 sunrises in a row in Varanasi. It was only the last night that was sleepless, I was just so charged being there and wanting to experience every minute that I needed very little rest.

I have another roll of pictures to develop, so I'll put more photos up soon but I hope these suffice for now. I'm sorry but I have to leave it there. I'm heading to Singapore tonight to visit my divine friend Maddy and my goddaughter Charlotte, (plus her Daddy Harry and her sister Claudia), and then I'm on to Oz where I arrive on Friday the 13th!!!

It feels so good to be heading home. I can't wait to see everyone. I'm not sure when I'll be writing here again, but I promise to do my best to keep this up in some fashion. Thank you to everyone who has been reading. Please leave your comments. I'd love to hear from you.

Namaste.

Lxxxxx