MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

Sorry for my silence.

It's been a month since I left the sunny shores of India for the distant shores of another. Australia. Home? I still call it that.

It's 3am and yet again I'm wide awake at an ungodly hour. It's not jet lag. It's just mayhem inside my head right now. I'm like a battery that has been fully charged and keeps turning itself on ready to go, go, go.

Since my return, so much has happened. I am amazed that my old friends can even remember me, I've been away so long, but some loyal friends (too many to mention but it's just heaven getting to know everyone again as adults and to meet their children and husbands - my heavenly godchild Mila must get a special mention) and my divine family have helped me to feel welcome and missed. It's a wonderful thing, being loved. And those friendships that go back 20 and even some 30 years, are golden. Truly.

There have been a lot of dramas. My gorgeous brother broke up with his lady on my first night back. My lovely cousin has had neurosurgery and can't walk further than 10 steps yet, which makes it hard for her 1 year old daughter not to mention her husband, mother..... A great friend from London has found out that her mother is terminally ill and is battling to get back to her side. That is every Aussie's nightmare who lives half a world away. My tenants have had similar news and have had to return to New Zealand. One of my father's school friends keeled over at 70 on the golf course and died of a stroke.......I could go on and on. It's real life. Adult life.

What I realise now, more than ever, is how important family is. And in that department, anyone who knows me, my little bro and my parents (not to mention my uncles, aunts and cousins) would agree that I am more than blessed.

I have only been back to Oz 3 times in the last decade. I have been living away from the nucleus of my family (though they have visited me as often as they could) for 12 years. 12 years! How did that happen? It is undeniable that time marches on with a vengeance.

I arrived in Mumbai under a cloud of terrorist fire and smoke. To Victoria, I arrived amidst a deluge of bush fires and a state emergency of a different kind. This country is vast and vicious when it wants to be. Life here is not as simple as one might think. This island is tough and rough and heaven all at once.

While floods devastated Queensland, bushfires raged in Victoria. How nuts is that? As most people would know by now, there were 5 or so days where the temperature soared over 40 degrees celsius (way over 100 degrees fahrenheit) and even reached 45 on the last day. The winds picked up something awful and unthinkable though it is, people dropped cigarette butts, arsonists did the sickest thing you can imagine and nature did even worse. The combination was explosive. Whole towns were completely razed. The radiant heat could kill you long before the fire reached your house. Whole families were burnt to cinders. The fire was unpredictable and unstoppable. It just jumped the Hume Highway like it was a dirt track. That's like jumping the M3. Seriously.

So, I returned to a country where the oldest form of terror was reigning. Pure survival. I witnessed it bring out the very best in everyone. I was so proud to be home. So proud of my Aussie roots, despite my somewhat Pommi-fied accent. Thankfully, my kin were safe but like when the Twin Towers went down, everyone knows someone effected. The stories that have emerged are often hideous and often inspiring.

Last time I tried to live in Oz, it was 9 years ago. I felt suffocated in Melbourne and went up to Sydney to give it a try. Now don't get me wrong, I love Sydney. I'm not one of those Melbournians who turns up their noses at that brash, beautiful city. But I was disgusted when the Cronulla riots broke out between the Aussie surfer dudes and the Lebanese boys. It was the worst side of Australia. Racism is the ugliest of sins. Unfortunately pig ignorance is not confined to the rednecks of America. I got on the plane back to London with a huge sigh of relief.

This time I'm doing my utmost to not offend my loved ones again. Or my country. And Aussies are extremely proud of their country. Don't you just love being here? Too bloody right you should be. Isn't it just the best? What you been doing over in Pommie land so long? What's with your accent? Who the hell do you think you are?

'Faaark you babe.'

That's the exact text I woke up to, shortly after my return. It made me laugh so hard. My family's Aussie rules team (the Mighty Maggies a.k.a. Collingwood) had beaten one of our old rivals (Essendon). Then we were creamed, seriously beaten to a pulp in the pre-season final. When one of my mates texted me that the Pies were shit. I retorted, what does that make the Bombers if we beat you last week? The above was his response.

Ahhhh Aussie rules footie. What fun it is to watch again, though I'm a bit rusty on all the rules and tactics, it is a joy. Even when being beaten by Geelong. I dragged a London visitor straight off the aeroplane to the new Etihad Stadium and into the throng of mega thousands of Aussies (mostly male, many bogans, mostly divine!). Although she'd never seen a match before, she had a ball. Ha!

It's great having Johanna here, as there are still so many parts of Melbs that I haven't revisited. She adored the coast, where my parents are based. Having her here, almost feels like I'm still on holiday. Though our days are packed and I've got a lot of responsibilities to fulfil, she is such a good friend that it's working out well. Johanna is someone I met through the film industry in London and I'm honoured that our friendship has become so much more.

The film industry here is scared, but forging on (like most industries right now I guess). The recession has really hit, as the bushfires have finally gone out and the rains have come. Everyone is now back to reality. And the reality is harsh. Half of Toorak, our poshest suburb - Chelsea equivalent - is owned by the banks. I know many people out of work and terrified about their future.

There has been SO much money in Melbourne, (everywhere I turn there's a Rolls Royce it seems), there are a lot of young people who just thought that life was always a bed of roses. They don't have survival skills. It's really scary. But also challenging and fascinating and terrifying.

I am resolute to move forward with my new company Legacy and it's taking shape. I want to help families record their history - on film, on tape or on line. It's getting such a positive response and I have my first client. He is a very old friend who is making his way into films and we're in talks about some other projects too. Plus I have other irons in other fires and it seems that I'm committing myself to stay. Shhhh.

Everyone's first question is always - How long are you here for? And my response has been, I'm just seeing how it fits, no promises for now. I don't want to disappoint or offend anyone again and I need to be where the work is. My round the world ticket takes me to LA - NYC - London but it's valid until November.

Thank god my beloved brother has taken me under his wing and given me his spare room. I feel like the little sister! Thank god my parents are the kindest people on earth - so supportive and generous. I feel incredibly lucky to have some time to work things out. So many people don't have that breathing space. I worked like crazy up until the last minute I departed London.

Having proper time out in India was true bliss. I haven't felt that sort of freedom in forever. I let go of technology, guilt, baggage, worry, night terrors, fear and so much more. It's indescribable the difference I feel within myself. Life is too short to carry all that shit around.

Back here, I'm doing my utmost to channel the freedom and resolve that I used to recharge my weary soul. I want my life to be worthwhile. Australia is an incredible country. It's not perfect. But neither am I.

Lx